The Hurting Time Has Come
by CelticFaerie2
Summary: AU. Luka and Carter have been stabbed. Chapter 13! I know it's been a while...a long time...but hopefully some of you will remember this one...Abby tells Carter about the babies...pease R
1. Default Chapter

The Hurting Time Has Come  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
**Standard disclaimers apply. If you don't know the standard disclaimers, you shouldn't be reading fan fiction.  
  
Welcome to the latest installment of my version of Carter angst. This one is likely to be my most angsty yet…It's AU, my own little spin on the Carter and Lucy get stabbed storyline…Just read it, I think you'll like it, especially if you like Carter and Abby angst…  
  
Please use the review option at the bottom of the page…It's there for a reason and I really appreciate all my readers, so speak up and let me know you're out there!  
  
Prologue  
  
We walk together along the edge of the water, just holding hands and enjoying the evening breeze and each other. We don't need words to say how we feel, because we feel it in our hearts, in our souls.  
  
I know it's just be a matter of time before he proposes. I will say yes, and we will spend the rest of our lives together. I will grow old with him in my arms, and I know I face anything with him by my side.  
  
He turns to me suddenly and pulls me against him. His kisses always feel like fireworks going off inside my head. How does he make me feel like a teenager again, so full of love and lust I can't think about anything but him?  
  
Chapter One  
  
Everything happened so fast there wasn't time to think. I couldn't afford to think. I couldn't let my emotions get in the way of what I had to do. They were counting on me, they needed me to stay calm and focused, even though I wanted to scream and cry and lose my mind.  
  
One minute I was walking away from the admit desk rolling my eyes and trying not to laugh at one of Frank's stupid comments. The next minute I slipped on the floor and looked down to see blood, seeping out from under the men's room door.  
  
I knocked on the door. "Hello? Is someone in there? Do you need help?" No one answered. I knocked again, and still nothing.   
  
I pushed the door open just slightly, trying to respect the privacy of anyone who might be in there. I heard a low moan and poked my head in farther. "Luka!" My heart skipped a beat. Luka lay on the floor in a pool of blood, his eyes open but glassy.  
  
I jerked the door open and yelled for help. Everything else was a blur. I knelt by Luka, checked his pulse. Weak, but steady. "Shhh, don't try to talk."  
  
He closed his eyes and seemed to be trying to gather his strength. Where was everyone? I yelled again for help. I imagined Luka, alone in his apartment in Croatia with his dying wife and children, and no one to help him.  
  
"Car…Car…"   
  
"Your car? Luka? What? I don't…" He wasn't looking at me, but beyond me. Behind me. I turned to follow his line of vision. "Carter! Oh God! Carter!" I went to him, checked his pulse. "Somebody help! Help me!"  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Reality didn't set in until they were both upstairs in surgery. We had done all we could do for them in the ER. Now it was a matter of time, of waiting, hoping, and praying. The rest of the world seemed to respect our need to regroup and draw strength from each other because the phones didn't ring and no urgent traumas came in. Most of us settled in the lounge, seeking comfort in being together.  
  
Any other time, Luka would be in the middle of the room, giving a pep-talk, using that lulling accent of his to try to keep everyone calm. The only reason we seem calm now is because we're all in shock. How could this have happened? Luka and Carter attacked in the men's room…and no one knew who did it. Or why. That's the really scary part. It seems to be a random act, right here in our hospital, which means no one is safe.  
  
I sit on the couch between Susan and Kerry. Susan has her arm around my shoulders, Kerry has her hand on my knee.   
  
I close my eyes and I see Carter here, on this couch, trying to rest a little between patients. How many times had I wandered in here to find him here with his arm flung over his eyes to block the light? The image shifts in my mind, like in the movies where one scene takes over another, the calm peacefulness of an innocent cat nap turned to the bloody war zone of the men's room.  
  
They had been stabbed. Luka had taken five hits, mostly to his back and one side. Carter had been hit seven times. I close my eyes against the memory of them lying there on the blood-soaked bathroom floor. So much blood. Too much.   
  
I shiver, and Susan pulls my head to her chest. She strokes my hair and whispers to me, gentle words of faith and encouragement. I try to remember how handsome Carter looked last night, and how his kisses make my head swim with desire. I hear his voice calling my name, like the soft whisper of the wind. I give in to the pressing need to cry. I want to cry until there are no tears left in me.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
If you've made it this far, please use the review button to let me know what you think. Thanks so much! 


	2. Chapter 2

The Hurting Time Has Come  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
Thanks so much for all the great reviews of the first chapter! Hopefully you'll like this chappy too.   
  
Chapter Two  
  
We're dancing, in some kind of ballroom. One of his family charity events I think. I don't remember. It doesn't matter. We're together, he's holding me against him, I can feel his heart beating against my chest. He smells like lavender and caviar. He looks like a million bucks.  
  
The music lulls and he steps back. He's holding m hands, both of them, and looking into my eyes. He smiles, that crooked, impish grin of his. I can't believe he's mine. All mine.   
  
I can't believe how much I love him.   
  
"I love you, Mrs. Carter," he says softly. That voice of his, I could lose myself in it.  
  
"I love you, Mr. Carter." Mr. Carter? Did I just say…I look down. I'm wearing a wedding dress. I bring my eyes back up to his beautiful face. He looks…shocked. His eyes are dark, clouded. He's struggling to breathe.   
  
"Carter!" I reach out to him. He teeters. I see blood. He's falling and I can't stop him. I can't catch him. I'm moving away from him. "Carter! Carter!" I scream. I try to run, but I'm stuck in place and he's getting farther away.   
  
"Shhhh, shhhh, honey." I recognize Susan's voice. I open my eyes and she's there, holding me, stroking my hair. And I remember what happened. Carter and Luka are upstairs. In surgery. Attacked in the men's room. Stabbed. Fighting for their lives.  
  
"Carter…" I moan.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * *   
  
I look up instinctively when the door opens. For a moment, I think it's him. Carter. My beautiful Carter. Surrounded by a soft white light. He looks radiant, glowing. I stand, I want to go to him, but my feet won't move. He takes a step toward me, arms out, smiling.  
  
I blink and the vision fades. Elizabeth is there, her eyes downcast and weary. "Luka is out of surgery," she tells us. Kerry and some of the others have gone back to work. The ER can't run itself, but some of us, like me, would be no good on the floor. Not until I know. Not until I see him. Them. "He's holding on strong."  
  
Susan is standing beside me, holding my hand. I want to ask about Carter, how is Carter? Dear God, please tell me Carter is holding on strong too. Please tell me he's going to be all right. But I don't ask, I don't want to seem rude or uncaring. I'm desperately worried about Luka too.   
  
"Can we see him?" Susan asks. Elizabeth nods. I meet her eyes, she nods. I nod. Susan holds my hand all the way upstairs. We take the staff elevator.   
  
The walk up the hall to recovery seems endless. I don't know if I'm relieved or not that we don't have to walk past the surgical rooms. I don't know if I could handle that. Carter is still in there, under the knife, with Romano and Benton. No one had to tell me he was hurt worse than Luka.   
  
"Breathe, Abby."  
  
I didn't even realize I was holding my breath. Susan squeezed my hand and pushed the door open. The nurse looked up and nodded us on. I have seen hundreds, maybe thousands, of people laid out after surgery, flat on their backs on stiff hospital beds. I never imagined Luka Kovac would be one of them.  
  
He looks…pale. Deathly pale. But relaxed. Peaceful. Like he is sleeping.   
  
Susan lets go of my hand and we move to opposite sides of his bed. We each take one of his hands. I want to say something, but don't know what to say, and I don't trust my voice anyway. I feel like I'm going to cry. I know I will probably cry before I leave him.   
  
"Hey, Luka. It's Susan and Abby," Susan says. She's on the edge of tears too. "We just wanted to come up and see you. You're doing great, Luka. You're going to be just fine."  
  
I brought his hand up to my face, kissed the knuckles. Luka had lived through war, through the death of his wife and children. He had seen his home destroyed, his homeland torn apart. A few stab wounds were nothing compared to all that. He would be fine, and Carter would be fine, everyone would be fine and in a few weeks we'll all forget about the whole mess…  
  
Who am I kidding? No one will ever be the same, no one will every forget what has happened today. I suddenly don't have the strength to hold Luka's arm up, and I fall down with it, burying my face in his sheets.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
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	3. Chapter 3

The Hurting Time Has Come  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
Chapter Three  
  
Susan grew restless and started pacing the small room. I stayed by Luka's side, holding his hand, crying. I felt close to Carter because I was close to Luka. Whatever happened in that bathroom, Luka was there, Luka and Carter suffered through it together.   
  
"Do you want to go get some coffee?" Susan asks.  
  
I shake my head. "I can't leave him." Until they tell me Carter is out of surgery, I think. And it's true. I'll stay with Luka as long as can. But I'll go to Carter's side as soon as they let me. I glance at Luka's calm, pale, relaxed face. I think he will understand. He knows how I feel about him, and he knows how I feel about Carter. I love them both, but Carter is the one I want to spend my forever with.  
  
"You should eat something. You're going to be here all night, Abby. I know you won't go home. You need to keep your strength."  
  
"I'm fine, Susan. If you want coffee, go get coffee. I'm not leaving him."  
  
"I need to walk around a bit. Do you want me to bring you something?"  
  
I shake my head. "I'm fine." In fact the thought of food or drink made me want to throw up. How could I think of eating at a time like this? Carter isn't even out of surgery yet.   
  
Susan nods and leaves. I know she will bring me something anyway. I don't care. I'm only concerned with Luka and Carter right now.  
  
I am holding Luka's hand between both of mine. "Can you hear me, Luka? I think you can. I hope you can. I want you to know I'm here. You're not alone."  
  
I look at him, hoping for some kind of reaction. Of course there is nothing. He won't wake up for a few hours yet, if he wakes up at all. But I can't think that way. I have to stay positive. I have to believe Luka and Carter will both get through this.  
  
I feel his fingers twitch. At first I think I must be dreaming, or imagining it. But I look up and his eyes are open. Clouded and unfocused, but open. He looks at me, and his mouth twitches, then his eyes close.  
  
"You can't talk, Luka. There's a tube in your throat." His eyes open again., He looks scared. I don't think I have ever seen Luka Kovac look scared. I stroke his hair away from his face. I don't know. It's an impulse. Something people do to comfort each other. It makes me feel like I'm doing something. "It's okay, Luka. You're going to be fine."  
  
His eyes close. I'm not sure how much I should tell him. "I'm going to get Elizabeth. I'll be right back."  
  
His fingers curled around mine. Not much strength, but enough to send the message. 'Don't leave me alone.'  
  
"I'm just going to the door. Luka, I need to get Elizabeth." I pull my hand from his with little effort. The hallway is deserted, but I know someone has to be close by. I yell for the nurse.  
  
I'm back with Luka, holding his hand, stroking his hair, when she comes in. "Page Dr. Corday. Dr. Kovac is awake." His eyes are closed. He doesn't look so peaceful now. I kiss his forehead. And I wait for Elizabeth.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Elizabeth makes me leave while she examines Luka. I pace the hall outside his room. I want to go check on Carter. I need to know how Carter is doing. He's been in there for so long. What if something has gone wrong? How long will they wait to tell me?  
  
No. Nothing has gone wrong. Carter is fine. Please God, I think and look up to the ceiling. Carter has to be okay. I don't know what I'd do if he…if…No. I can't say it. Can't think it. He's going to be fine. He has to be fine.  
  
I hear footsteps. And a crutch. Kerry. I look up. She looks like the crutch is the only thing holding her up.  
  
"Elizabeth is with him," I offer before she asks. "He's awake."  
  
"That's great." She tries to smile but it doesn't reach her eyes. "He's a fighter, Abby. They both are."  
  
"I know." I look down at the floor. I see blood, blood creeping out from under the men's room door. I close my eyes, try to shake the image. I don't want to think about that, I don't want to see the scene in my head.   
  
I thought he was dead, when I saw him. He looked like he was dead. Like he should be dead. He was barely breathing. If I hadn't found him…If I hadn't found them when I did…  
  
I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to throw something. I want to hug someone. I want someone to hug me. Preferably Carter. I need to feel his arms around me. I feel so safe in his arms. Like nothing else matters. Nothing matters but him.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Luka is sleeping. Susan, Kerry, Elizabeth, and I are with him. The lines in his face make him look old. I wonder if he's in pain. He looks like he is.   
  
The door opens. It's Romano. He looks as weary as Luka. Carter must be out of surgery! I stand. I want to ask him a thousand questions.   
  
"We're bringing him in here."  
  
That means he's alive. I close my eyes. I feel dizzy. I feel hands on my arms, to steady me. I open my eyes. The room is spinning. I stumble back to sit down. I have to sit down. I can't breathe. Everything is going black.   
  
"Breathe, Abby," Susan says. I think she's kneeling in front of me. I can hear them bringing Carter in. I have to breathe. He needs me. I have to breathe. I can't see him if I pass out.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
That's all for tonight. Use the review option and let me know what you think :) 


	4. Chapter 4

The Hurting Time Has Come  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
Chapter Four  
  
Once Carter is settled, everyone backs off to give me a few minutes alone with him. I can hear their hushed whispers as they huddled around Luka's bed, but Carter had my full attention. I hold his hands, kiss them, kiss his forehead, his eyes, his nose, his lips.   
  
"I'm here, baby," I tell him. Tears have filled my eyes and start to slip out. They fall and splatter like rain drops on his chest. He's alive. He's alive, and his stats are strong. He's going to be fine. He has to be fine. "I'm here with you and I'm never going to leave you. Luka's here too. Right over there. He's doing great. So are you, Carter. You survived. You made it through surgery. You're going to be just fine, baby. You know that, don't you?"  
  
I know my words have turned to moans. I can't help it. I can't think straight. I want him to open his eyes, smile at me, take me in his arms, kiss me. I'd be happy with open eyes and a smile. Something. Anything. But there is nothing.  
  
I want to get in the bed with him and hold him. He needs to know I'm close to him. I'm holding his hand, kissing him, but it doesn't feel like enough. He needs more. I need more.   
  
"How are you holding up?" It's Romano, standing a few feet from me at the end of Carter's bed. I don't want to take my eyes off Carter to look at him. But I do, and I try to smile. It's the least I can do. "He's through the hard part."  
  
I nod. "I know."   
  
"I won't lie to you, Abby. It's touch and go. He's in bad shape. He could go either way. But we did what we could, and I think he's got a good chance. We won't lose him, Abby."  
  
I turn my attention back to Carter. He looks like an angel laying there. Like nothing ever happened, and he's just sleeping. But he isn't just sleeping. He's unconscious. He's in a coma. He's hovering very close to death. I feel like I'm trapped in some psychotic horror movie.  
  
Dear God, why did this have to happen? Why? Why Carter? Why Luka? Was so psycho hiding out in the men's room with a butcher knife, just waiting for whoever happened along?   
  
I put my hand out, and Romano takes it, squeezes it. Everyone thinks he's a hard-ass, slave driving, downgrading jerk. But he's got a heart of gold in there somewhere. He just needs a little help showing it.  
  
Nothing like seeing two of your colleagues taken down to bring out the best in a guy. I wonder if he thinks how easily it could have been him. If he had gone into the bathroom then, instead of Carter. Instead of Luka.  
  
I release his hand and bring mine up to Carter's face. "You hear that, Carter? Romano says you're going to be fine. And you know you can't disappoint Romano."  
  
Romano reaches out to pat my shoulder, then Carter's leg. The he slips away, back to Luka's bedside. I lean in to kiss Carter's lips one more time, then lay my head next to him.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
We're in his jeep, and he won't tell me where we're going. "You'll see," he says, and flashes his impish grin. I rub my bulging belly. I hope the child inherits that quirky mouth, those deep brown puppy dog eyes. I know he's going to be the best daddy, and because of him I know I'm going to do okay too.  
  
I never wanted kids before him. I never thought I could handle the responsibility, the fear. But his love showed me it's okay to be afraid. He's scared too, just a little. But mostly he's excited, and that makes me excited too.  
  
We've already chosen the names. John Robert is the boy, we'll call him Jack. A girl would be named Savannah Millicent. Savannah has always been one of my favorite names, but I hope the baby is a boy who will grow up to be just like his daddy.  
  
He stops the car and turns to me. I look at him and smile. The sun is shining, glowing. Birds are singing. Everything seems perfect. But I know nothing is perfect. Nothing is ever really perfect. And then I notice the blood. On his shirt, his mouth. His eyes are wide with shock. He reaches out to me, but he's so far away.   
  
"Carter!" I scream. "Carter!"  
  
"Shhh, Abby. Abby, shhh. It was just a dream. Calm down, honey."  
  
I turn to Susan and bury my face against her shoulder. She strokes my hair, and after a minute I turn back to Carter. I kiss him and hold his hand to my cheek. Susan keeps her hand on my shoulder, and I appreciate the gesture. There is no need for words, she knows what I'm feeling. On some level she feels it too. Carter is her friend, a very dear friend. But he isn't her forever. He's mine.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Use the review button to let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! 


	5. Chapter 5

The Hurting Time Has Come  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
Chapter 5  
  
I shouldn't have left them. Every second I'm away from that room feels like an eternity. I don't know how Susan convinced me to leave and right now I'm really regretting it. I don't need a shower or 'real' food. I need to be with them. With Luka, with Carter. Dear God I need to be with Carter.  
  
They need me too. I know they do. They know when I'm there, which means they know when I'm not there and I don't want them to think for one second that they are alone. I haven't left their sides for more than five minutes, just long enough to go to the bathroom.  
  
I am so thankful Romano put them in the same room. That way I can be with both of them. And I think it will be important for them to be together as they recover.   
  
"Abby?"  
  
I blink and reach for the door release. Get out of the car. My knees feel like rubber. I don't know if I can do this. Too many memories in there, too many ghosts. Luka when we were together, and Carter…Just two nights ago, laughing and singing, dancing our private dance, laying in the darkness, exploring each other's bodies, feeling his heart beat through his chest, his fingers in my hair…  
  
I take a deep breath, fumble with the key. The door opens. Everything looks exactly like we left it. Why did I think it would look different? I step in, breath in the scent of him. His cologne.   
  
Susan stays in the hallway just beyond the door. I go to the bedroom where the sheets are rumpled and the pillows are stacked on his side of the bed. My rubber legs force me there, to the bed, and I lay there, on his side, feeling him there, his arms around me. I hug the top pillow, my pillow that he stole from me first thing when we woke up and I cry. I cry because there is nothing else I can do.  
  
I don't dare sleep, not here, where I feel his presence so strong. I couldn't bear another one of those dreams. I struggle against the blackness trying to keep me to the bed. I get up, get out. To the bathroom. The corner of his towel is peeking out of the hamper. My fingers reach out to it, caress it.  
  
I turn on the water. Step in. The water feels good. Warm, soothing, comforting. I close my eyes and feel his hands on me. But he isn't here. I'm alone. Totally alone. I have to get back to him. I get out of the shower, get dressed.  
  
"Take me back." I say to Susan.  
  
She's sitting on the sofa, reading a magazine. She puts it down and looks at me like I'm crazy. "I want to go back."  
  
"Someone will call if anything changes."  
  
"I don't want them to call. I want to be there."  
  
"I thought you might want to take a nap in your own bed."  
  
I shake my head. I can't think about that bed. I think she's stalling. Keeping me away for some reason. "What's going on?"  
  
"Nothing." She stands. She's defensive. She's hiding something. "I just think you need-"  
  
I shake my head, cut her off. "I need to be with Carter, Susan. That's what I need."  
  
"You won't do him any good if you run yourself down before he even wakes up."  
  
"That hope is the only thing keeping my head above water right now, and being away from him is killing me. I don't want to take a nap, Susan, because every time I close my eyes I see him and we're happy. We're so unbelievably happy and then I see blood and I know he's hurt but I can't help him. I reach out to him and he's so far away and no matter what I do I can't get to him. So if you don't mind, I would like to go back to the hospital now so I can sit with him."  
  
She looks for a moment like she's trying to come up with an argument, but there isn't one. She knows I am going back to Carter, with or without her. Finally she nods, and we go.  
  
* * * * * * * * *  
  
'Why were you trying to stall me?" I ask once we're on the road.  
  
"What?" She tries to look shocked and innocent at the same time.   
  
I sigh. I'm not in the mood for games. I wonder if she can feel my eyes boring holes into her? "Why are you trying to keep me away from him? If they're running tests on him, I want to know."  
  
"Someone wanted to see Carter, and we thought it was best if you weren't there."  
  
"Who?" Panic rises like a bubble in my throat. "Who wants to see him?"  
  
She glances at me, then turns her eyes back to the road. "His sister."  
  
I almost laugh out loud. "His sister? Susan, Carter doesn't have a sister."  
  
"She's his father's daughter. She grew up in Montreal."  
  
"And let me guess. Carter doesn't know about her, right? He doesn't know about her because she doesn't exist. She's not his sister. Carter does not have a sister. He's worth millions, an he's been hurt very badly. If…" I stumble, the words clogging up my throat. But I take a deep breath and go on before she can interrupt me. "If he dies, the Carter family fortune will be up for grabs. I wouldn't be surprised f a dozen long lost brothers and sisters come crawling to his bedside. All of them frauds, because the only brother Carter ever had has been dead twenty years."  
  
Susan shakes her head. We're stopped at a red light so she can look at me for more than a second. I'm not sure what I see in her eyes, but I don't like it.  
  
"It's not like that, Abby. Weaver managed to track his father down. I forget where he is. But he's tied up in meetings and he can't get away. He said he would send his daughter."  
  
"She's probably his woman of the week. His mother cut him out of the will. She left it all to Carter. He doesn't care if Carter lives or dies. He just wants the money."  
  
"You don't really believe that."  
  
"Yes, Susan. I really believe that because it's true. Carter doesn't have a sister. If you want to know the truth he doesn't have a father either. Or a mother. Or anything but me."  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Please use the review button to let me know what you think. Is this so called sister the real thing, or do you think Abby is accurate in her suspicion? Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading, and a thousand thanks to everyone who has reviewed! 


	6. Chapter 6

The Hurting Time Has Come  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
A/N: A few reviews an emails have come in about the issue of Carter's sister. I know Carter has a sister who is out of the country and has never been seen on ER. For the purposes of this fic, labeled AU, that sister does not exist. I am creating a different set-up for the long lost sister…I hope that clears things up for everyone!   
  
Chapter 6  
  
The curtain has been pulled between Luka and Carter's beds. Deb is sitting with Luka, she looks up and nods as I open the door. "Hey. How's he doing?" I ask, hoping for some good news. I could really use something positive right now.  
  
"Okay," she says with a weary sadness in her voice. "Sleeping. Elizabeth was just here. She says he's doing as well as she could hope."  
  
"Good." I smile and move on to Carter's side of the room. She's sitting there, at his side, in my chair, holding his hand. I want to grab her and throw her out of the chair, away from him. Instead I take a deep breath and walk around to the other side of the bed.  
  
She looks up, and her eyes are red rimmed and slightly puffy. So she's been crying. Big deal. Any actor can make fake tears on a dime. I'm not impressed. She's a fraud and I'm going to expose her for the gold digging bitch she is.  
  
"Can I help you?" I ask with a sugar coated sweetness thick in my voice. I don't want Carter to sense anything wrong.  
  
She pushes her fingers against her eyes, the way Carter often does when he's tired or stressed or thinking or just trying to occupy his hands. I refuse to acknowledge the likeness to Carter. She's not his sister. Can't be. He doesn't have a sister. She's been coached by his father…His father knows his mannerisms, knows just what to have his little puppet do to make me start to believe. Well, I have news for him. I don't believe, I won't believe.  
  
"You must be Abby. My father has told me about you." Her words have a clipped, Canadian accent to them. Susan said she grew up in Montreal. I can believe that much. Doesn't mean she's Carter's sister.  
  
I narrow my eyes at her. "I'm not buying into this illegitimate daughter, long lost sister storyline."  
  
"He told me you would say that too, and we can debate it all afternoon, but not here." She glances at Carter, then draws her eyes back to me.   
  
She has a point. We shouldn't talk here. I believe Carter can hear me when I talk to him, so he would hear us arguing and I wouldn't want to upset him. "Fine. Get out of my chair."  
  
She looks at me like she wants to say something, but she thinks better of it and moves. I take her place, my place, at his side and reach for his hand. It's warm for her holding it. I close my eyes and kiss his knuckles.  
  
"I don't even know your name."  
  
"Gillian," she says softly. "Gillian Carter."  
  
"I am only going to say this once, Gillian. If you hurt him, I swear to God I will kill you."  
  
She blinks and takes a step back. "I understand you are upset, and I know my presence here must be a shock, but I am here to support my brother through-"  
  
"Don't call him that."  
  
"John then. I am here to support John through this difficult time."  
  
"How do you know he would even want you here?" I ask, trying to force her hand, make her slip up. But what did I expect her to say? What could she say?  
  
She takes a deep breath. "If we're going to talk about this, we need to go somewhere else."  
  
"You go somewhere else. I'm staying right here." I want her to go away. Just go away and never come back. I don't believe her, I can't believe she is Carter's sister, even if she does the fingers against the eyes thing he does, even if her eyes are the same deep, warm chocolate brown, even if her jaw has a very Carter slant to it. No. Carter would have told me he had a sister, it would have come up, even if she wasn't raised with him, even if she is illegitimate.   
  
"I will be back," she says, or maybe threatens. I don't care. She's leaving. That's all I care about. I need to be alone with Carter.   
  
Once she's gone, I scoot the chair close to the edge of his bed and I lay my cheek against his chest so I can feel his heart beating. Tears fill my eyes and I don't try to stop them. What would be the point?  
  
"I wish you would just wake up. Or me. I wish I would wake up and find out this is all just one big horrible nasty dream. Why can't this be just a dream, Carter?"  
  
I imagine his hand at the back of my head, I can almost feel his fingers in my hair. He's telling me everything is going to be okay, and I turn to him, I'm standing now and I can feel his arms around me. He licks his lips and leans in to kiss me. Fireworks, exploding in my head, electrifying every nerve in me.   
  
I slip my hand under his shirt, and he's sticky. Blood-sticky. I pull back from the kiss and look at his face. His eyes are glazed, he's bleeding from his mouth, his nose, everywhere. His clothes are soaked in it. He steps back, stumbled, falls. He's in the men's room, laying in a pool of his own blood. His and Luka's.  
  
I try to scream, but there is no sound.   
  
* * * * * * * * * *   
  
Use the review option to let me know hat you think! Thanks for reading! 


	7. Chapter 7

The Hurting Time Has Come  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
Chapter 7  
  
"He's seizing!" I yelp. I hold on to his hand and look over my shoulder. No one is with Luka. His eyes are open, staring at me. His mouth twitches, we both know there is nothing he can do.   
  
"Help!" I scream, hoping someone in the hall way will hear. Why aren't they coming? They should know, an alarm should be going off at the nurse's station.   
  
I have to run to the door. I try to pull my hand from his, but his fingers have clamped down hard. I feel a pop in each of my fingers, but there is no pain. Only concern, fear for him. I have to get help.   
  
"Help! Please! Someone help!"   
  
The door swings open. Two nurses rush in. One of them tells me to move aside. I can't move. He has my hand. I hold it up, so they can see.   
  
Tears are streaming down my face and I can't see clearly. I try to move out of the way, so they can work on him. Any other patient and I'd be there, right in the middle of it, doing what I could to help.   
  
"I'll page Dr. Corday," one of the nurses says. I nod. I can't move. My hand is broken. I don't even care. I just want this to stop. Why can't I just wake up from this nightmare?  
  
* * * * * * * * *   
  
"Abby, I want you to go downstairs and get an X-ray of that hand."  
  
I'm holding it against my chest. I shake my head. "I'm not leaving him, Elizabeth. I won't leave him."  
  
"You know it's probably broken."  
  
I nod. "I don't care. I'm not leaving him."  
  
"I'll stay here until you get back."  
  
"I'm not going." I'm stroking his hair with my other hand. He looks different now, somehow. Pale. More drawn. Like he's slipping away. "I'm not leaving him."  
  
Elizabeth sighs. "Will you let me splint it?"  
  
"I'm not leaving."  
  
"I'll do it right here. But I really wish you would get an X-ray."  
  
I shake my head. I can't take my eyes off him. "If he's going to…If he's not going to make it, I'm not going to waste one minute I have with him."  
  
"I understand," Elizabeth whispers and I know she does. I hear the sadness in her voice, the pain of missing Mark so much even after so many months. I want to ask her if it gets any easier, but I can't form the words.   
  
She leaves, and I'm alone with him. I take a deep breath and climb into the bed. I lay beside him, my good arm stretched across him, my fingers laced with his. I rest my head on his chest, careful to avoid the bandages.   
  
His heartbeat is steady, though not strong.   
  
I close my eyes and try to pretend we're just laying in bed together. He's asleep, and I don't want to disturb him so I just lay there, listening to his heart, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his chest.   
  
The door opens, but I don't move. I can't move. I never want to move. I want to stay here with him like this forever, pretending everything is okay and he's just sleeping. Just sleeping.   
  
"Abby?"  
  
That accent is unmistakable. I grit my teeth. Maybe if I ignore her she will go away. I don't really believe that, but it's worth a try. Doesn't she know she's ruining my fantasy?  
  
"Abby?"  
  
I open my eyes and look at her. She is beautiful, really. And even though I don't want to admit it, she looks a lot like Carter. Enough like him to be his sister. They must both take after their father.  
  
"Go away," I whisper. I can't pretend he's just sleeping if she's here.   
  
"I just found out what happened. How is he?"  
  
"Alive," I say and the tears start down my cheeks. There's no point in wiping them away, there will only be more to replace them.  
  
She reaches out to cover my hand and his with her own. The warmth of her touch somehow comforts me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "You really are his sister, aren't you?"  
  
"Yes. I really am." Her voice cracks and I know she's crying too.  
  
The door opens again and I know it's Elizabeth. I open my eyes. Gillian is using her shirt sleeves to dab at her eyes.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Please use the review option to let me know what you think of this chapter. Feedback is very important to a writer, without it I don't know if you're enjoying the story. If you're reading this, I'm begging you please review me. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks so much. 


	8. Chapter 8

The Hurting Time Has Come  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
Chapter 8  
  
I reach up to caress Carter's jaw. His beard is starting to show. He never lets it go this long. It's been four days. Four days since I head his voice, four days since he kissed me. Four impossibly long days. Four days that feel like forever.  
  
I don't know how much longer I can go on like this.   
  
His fingers twitch. I didn't imagine it. I felt it. His fingers twitched. I look to his face, there is no change. The monitors are the same. Nothing's changed. It didn't feel like a spasm. It felt real. It had to be real.  
  
"Carter?" I lean over him and kiss his lips. "Carter, can you hear me? If you can hear me, squeeze my hand." I feel it again, a slight twitch of his fingers. "I'm here, Carter. I'm right here." I should probably yell for Elizabeth or Romano, or someone. Anyone. But I can't leave him. I don't want to miss anything. If he opens his eyes, I want to make sure the first thing he sees is me.   
  
The door opens behind me, as if someone is answering my prayer. I look over my shoulder expecting Elizabeth or Gillian or Susan, but it is a man I don't know. He glances at me, at Carter, then Luka. The resemblance to Luka is unmistakable. They could be twins.  
  
I kiss Carter's hand before approaching the man. He's Luka's brother, I know. I can't remember his name. "Can I help you?"  
  
"Hello," he says with an accent ten times thicker than Luka's. "I am Matej. Luka brother." The words are stiff, unfamiliar to him.  
  
I nod and offer my hand. "I'm Abby." I hate that I feel guilty for walking away from Carter. He could open his eyes any second. I should be with him, not talking to Matej Kovak.  
  
"Abby. Luka spoke of you." He looks me over and I feel nervous for a moment. Then I remember why he's here and it has nothing to do with me.  
  
I gesture at Luka. "He's sleeping right now. You can sit with him."  
  
He nods and walks over to the side of Luka's bed. He sits down and reaches for Luka's hand. I feel like I have grown roots, I can't move. I know I should walk away, I should go back to Carter, but I just stand there watching him.  
  
He raises Luka's hand and lays it against his cheek. He says something in Croatian, and Luka opens his eyes. "Matej…" he whispers. The first words he has said since the attack. "Danijela?" Luka's voice is barely a whisper, but the tone is clearly a question.   
  
Matej shakes his head and I don't understand the words but the message is clear. Luka closes his eyes and turns his head to the side.   
  
I step back, slowly, trying not to call attention to myself. I sit down beside Carter and take his hand in mine. I can still hear Matej talking to Luka, but if Luka says anything I can't hear him.   
  
"Carter, honey, I'm right here," I whisper to him. "I really want you to wake up now. Do you think you can do that for me?"  
  
Nothing.  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
We're walking along the beach, holding hands, just enjoying the night and each other. I stop suddenly, he takes another step forward then turns back, and he's facing me, standing toe to toe. He's a bit taller than me and has to lean in to kiss me. I close my eyes and tilt my head back in anticipation.  
  
Fireworks explode inside my head, firing off at every nerve ending in my body. I feel like a school girl. He's going to ask me to marry him. I know he is. I can feel it. It's like electricity in the air. I'm ready for it.  
  
He's pulling away from me. This is it, this is the moment I have been waiting for. But something is wrong. His eyes are glazed. He holds his hands up. Blood, like red paint, drips off his fingers.  
  
"Carter!" I scream as he falls to his knees.  
  
I feel hands on my shoulders, shaking me. Someone calling my name. I feel like I'm in the water, it's over my head, and I can't breathe.  
  
"Abby, wake up. Abby, come on. Wake up." Gillian. It must be Gillian with that accent. "You're dreaming, Abby. Abby, wake up."  
  
My eyes feel heavy. Too heavy. I force them open. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Are you all right?"  
  
I nod. "I think so. Carter…"  
  
She shakes her head. "No change."  
  
I sit up and look at him. He looks so peaceful. "His fingers twitched earlier."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Elizabeth said it was probably just a reflex, but he hasn't done it before. I think he's going to wake up soon."  
  
"I hope so."  
  
"Have you met Matej? Luka's brother? Is he still here?" I look over my shoulder to Luka's side of the room. The curtain has been pulled.  
  
"I knew he had to be Luka's brother. He looks just like him. He was sleeping when I came in."  
  
"I didn't even know he was coming," I say, but I've already forgotten about Matej and Luka and everything but Carter. His beautiful brown eyes are open and staring at me.  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
Please, please, please use the review option to let me know what you think. This story is moving right along, and I hope you are all enjoying the read. Let me know in review! Thanks so much.   
  
Also, the name Matej comes from the Croatian names listed at www.Kabalarian.com 


	9. Chapter 9

The Hurting Time Has Come  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
Chapter 9  
  
He's awake! I can' believe he's awake! He's going to be okay. I mean I know he's not out of the woods yet, and he's got a long recovery ahead of him, but he's awake and that's the first step…He's going to b okay.  
  
Elizabeth is with him, Gillian and I are in the hallway. She's leaning against the wall, but I feel like I have to keep moving. I'm so excited. I want Elizabeth to hurry up and let me go back to him.   
  
"I would kill for a cigarette right about now," Gillian says.  
  
"Don't tempt me," I say, but I don't mean it. I'm not about to sacrifice one second with Carter for a smoke. "I wonder what's taking so long?" I glance at my watch, then look through the small window. Elizabeth is sitting by the bed, probably just talking to him. I consider going in, but I don't want to barge in. If she doesn't hurry up, I don't know how much longer I can wait.  
  
After another minute, she stands and walks toward the door. She steps into the hallway before I can get into the room.  
  
"Everything looks good," she says, "but he is very confused. He's talking which is wonderful, but try to keep him quiet for a few hours. He'll probably sleep a lot anyway."  
  
I don't care to stand in the hallway wasting precious time I could be with him. "Don't worry, Elizabeth." I push the door open and move to his bedside.  
  
"You're going to be okay, Carter," I tell him. He closes his eyes and turns his head from me. I reach out and take his jaw in my hand and force him back around. His eyes are still closed and he looks distressed. "Baby, do you remember what happened?"   
  
His eyes open then close again. "No," he whispers, his voice thick and grainy.  
  
I don't know if I should tell him. Luka doesn't remember either. Maybe it's better if they don't know. They can't relive it if they don't know.   
  
I take his hand in mine and give it a gentle squeeze.   
  
"I don't know you."  
  
I freeze at his words. He didn't just say that. He couldn't have just said he doesn't know me. He has to know me. How can he not know me?  
  
"Who are you?" His eyes open. He looks at me and Gillian, and me again before they close. He's so tired. Groggy. Confused. Elizabeth said he was confused.   
  
"Shhh. Elizabeth said you shouldn't talk too much. You need to rest." He doesn't answer. The muscles in his face have gone slack. "He's asleep," I say more to comfort myself than anything else.  
  
"The doctor said he was confused," Gillian offers. I know she's trying to make me feel better, and I appreciate that, but…but I don't like that he questioned me at all. He said he didn't know who I was. He doesn't know who I am…  
  
"I know. I'm sure it's just…he's been through a lot. He just woke up. He doesn't know what happened or why or anything. A lot of trauma patients are disoriented when they first wake up. I'm sure it will pass." I say the words but I don't believe it. "Will you stay with him? I'm going to go for a walk."  
  
"I'll be right here."  
  
I don't want to leave him, but I need to get out of this room. I feel like the walls are closing in on me. I need to get some fresh air. I need to calm down about this whole amnesia thing before I let it get the best of me.   
  
I've seen it happen before, but it's never been personal. Carter, my Carter, the love of my life, looked at me and said he didn't know me. Four days ago I was dreaming of when he would propose to me, and now he doesn't know who I am.   
  
I make my way up to the roof. Our roof. How many times have we come up here to steal a few minutes alone? The memories dance around my head like music until I fall to my knees and curl up against the wall crying like a baby.  
  
I don't know how long I stay there like that before I'm aware someone is standing over me. "Abby?"  
  
Susan. I sit up and wipe my eyes.   
  
"I thought I would find you up here."  
  
I know Susan has her own Carter-on-the-roof memories. I feel a wave of jealousy crash through me and it takes all my will power to keep it locked down.   
  
"He said he doesn't know who I am."  
  
"It's probably temporary."  
  
"What if it's not?"  
  
"Abby," Susan sits down beside me with her back to the wall and her knees drawn up. "I know it scare you, and you have every right to be scared and upset. But you know he loves you."  
  
"He can't love me if he doesn't know me."  
  
"He just woke up. He's confused. Give it time, Abby."  
  
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I feel like I could get sick. "I don't know if I an handle him saying things like that."  
  
"It's better than nothing at all, isn't it? He's awake. He's going to get better. He's going to remember you. Don't you want to be there with him when it happens?"  
  
"It might not happen, Susan. He might have permanent amnesia."  
  
"Or it could be post-traumatic confusion." She stands and offers her hand to help me up. "I'm going inside. Are you coming?"  
  
I reach for her hand and let her pull me up. "I could really go for a drink right now."  
  
Susan rolls her eyes at me. "I don't think so."  
  
"Cigarette?"  
  
"I'm all out. Sorry."  
  
"Maybe next time."   
  
"Yeah. Maybe. Let's go." She puts her arm over my shoulder and leads me inside.  
  
Matej is asleep in the chair with his feet propped up on Luka's bed. Luka's eyes are open and fixed on his brother. His focus shifts to Susan and me as we come in, but only for a moment. I smile at him, and move to Carter's side of the room.  
  
Gillian has her head on the bed. She looks up and sits back in her chair. "He's been asleep the whole time you were gone."  
  
"Good." I sit down and reach for his hand. Susan puts her hand on my shoulder. I feel tears start to fill my eyes and I blink them back. I don't want to cry. Not here, not now. Not ever. I've had enough of crying. He's awake. I just want to be happy for a little while. Is that so much to ask?  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
Okay. Opinions, please. Use the review option. ;) Thanks so much for reading! 


	10. Chapter 10

The Hurting Time Has Come  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
Chapter 10  
  
I sit with him hour after endless hour, just sitting beside his bed holding his hand. Gillian is on the other side, holding his other hand. We don't talk much, because there really isn't anything to say, but the silence gives me too much time to think.  
  
What if he really doesn't remember me? What will happen to us then? I love him so much, all I want is for him to wake up and be like he was before. But that will never happen. No matter if he remembers me or if he doesn't, he's never going to be the same again.   
  
I wish I knew who did this to him and why. It doesn't make sense. Who would want to hurt two wonderful, good men like Luka and Carter? All either of them ever wanted was to help people. This shouldn't have happened to them.   
  
All of a sudden I realize I'm walking toward some fancy outdoor café. Flowers decorate the patio, spotted with several white iron tables with umbrellas. His back is to me, so I sneak up behind him and slide my arms over his shoulders.  
  
He jumps and throws me off him. "Who are you?" he demands.  
  
"Carter?"  
  
His eyes are cold and distant. "I asked you a question, Miss. Who are you?"  
  
"Carter, it's me. Abby," I say.  
  
He's still just staring at me. I feel like he's looking right through me. "You must have me mistaken for someone else." He sits back down, his back to me once again.  
  
"You're hurt…" I say. There's blood dripping from his side.   
  
His head lolls to the side, and there's blood on his lips.  
  
I scream and stumble backwards.  
  
"Hey, hey," a voice calls and I feel hands on my shoulders. I open my eyes and for a split second I think it's Luka on his knees in front of me. "Are you okay?" Matej struggles with each word.  
  
I nod and push a hand through my hair. "Just a dream."  
  
"Abby?" We both turn to Carter. Matej stands and I move to the edge of my chair, just a little closer to Carter. "What happened?" he asks.  
  
I stand and reach up to smooth the hair from his forehead. I want to ask him if he knows who I am, but I don't want him to say no. "Nothing. It was a dream. Just a bad dream."  
  
Matej pats my shoulder and goes back to the other side of the room.  
  
Carter closes his eyes. "What happened to me?" His voice is so weak I can barely hear him.  
  
I glance at Gillian, sitting on the other side of the bed. "He wants to know what happened to him," she says. Carter's eyes open and looks at her for just a second, then his eyes close again like the effort to keep them open is too great.  
  
"Do you know where you are?" I ask.  
  
"Hospital."  
  
"Do you remember anything?"  
  
"I can't feel my legs."  
  
I don't know how much I should tell him. "Carter, do you know who I am?"  
  
His eyes open for a moment. "Abby." He raises his hand to my cheek. My eyes close with the relief, and I bring my hand up to hold his against my face. The warmth of pure relief spreads through me. Thank God. Thank you, God. He knows who I am. I know everything is going to be all right now. "Are my parents here?"  
  
"No. They're both over seas. Your father asked Gillian to come."  
  
His eyes open and turns his head to look at Gillian. "Hey," he says softly and his eyes close again.  
  
She smiles. "Hey. You know if you wanted to see me all you had to do was call."  
  
"I'm glad you're here."   
  
I turn my head a little to kiss his hand then ease it to the mattress. A comfortable silence settles in the room.   
  
"What happened to your hand?" He asks after a few minutes.   
  
"I was holding your hand when you had a seizure and a couple of my fingers are broken."  
  
His eyes open, and he stares at me for a few seconds. He looks weary, but he's doing pretty good, I think. "Why can't I feel my legs?"  
  
"You were stabbed a few days ago." There's no reason to lie to him.   
  
"Stabbed?" He repeats and his eyes close.  
  
"But you're going to be okay now. You're going to be just fine, Carter." I stroke his hair. "Why don't you try to sleep now? You need to rest."  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
I've been struggling with this chapter for a while...I hope it's worth the wait… After this I think I'm going to skip some time to get Luka and Carter into the recovery phase where we will get to the meat of the story…Please use the review option (here I am BEGGING again) to let me know what you think…Thanks so much for reading and double the appreciation to all who review me! 


	11. Chapter 11

The Hurting Time Has Come  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
Chapter 11  
  
"I didn't say anything before because I didn't you to worry unnecessarily," Elizabeth says. I want to smack her. How dare she keep something like this from me. How dare she...but I can't be mad at her. Not really. She was only trying to protect me. She thought the swelling around his spine would go down before he woke up.   
  
Carter is paralyzed. The words careen through my mind, bouncing off the walls of my consciousness. How? How could this happen? How could any of this happen? How could two doctors get attacked in the men's room in the ER, and no one saw a thing?  
  
None of it makes sense. Nothing really seems to make sense at all anymore. I feel dizzy just thinking about it.   
  
"Abby, are you all right?" Elizabeth sounds so far away. I blink, but I can't focus…and all of a sudden I'm looking up at her from the floor. She's kneeling beside me, checking my pulse. "How much sleep have you had?"  
  
I sit up and lean my head against the wall. "Since this happened? Not much."  
  
"Abby…"  
  
"When I sleep, I dream. I dream about us, together, and we're so happy until I realize he's bleeding and I can't help him."  
  
"I can give you something…"  
  
I shake my head. "Thank you, but no."  
  
She clasps my hand in hers and give it a gentle squeeze. "You can't go on like this, Abby. He needs you to be strong for him. You can't be there for him at all if you're passed out on the floor."  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Is there any chance you're pregnant?"  
  
I stare at her, and my mind replays the dream I had that I was pregnant. We were in his jeep. We had the names already picked out. John Robert, or Jack, and Savannah Millicent. I could hear the birds singing, the day was beautiful, perfect. Everything was perfect in the dream until I noticed the blood…  
  
"We're careful."  
  
"Sometimes it happens anyway. Will you let me get a blood test? Just to be sure?"  
  
"Why do you even suspect it?"  
  
"I don't know. It's just a feeling. I just want to be sure."  
  
I sigh. "I just want to go back to him."  
  
"After I draw some blood. It will only take a minute."  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
Gillian is talking to Carter when I go in. Something about when they were kids. It's still so weird to me that Carter has this sister he never once mentioned to me. I stand at the foot of the bed until he looks at me and raises his arm up to call me to him.   
  
I take his hand in mine and lift it up so I can kiss his knuckles. The corners of his mouth twitch. "I want you to kiss me," he says. His eyes shift to Gillian, then back to me, and his cheeks are slightly pink.  
  
I don't look at Gillian. I just lean in to kiss him on the lips. He tilts his head back and I bring my hands up to his face. I feel his hand at the back of my head, and it makes me feel warm and tingly inside.  
  
I hear Gillian move away from the bed. I don't look. I don't want to give up the moment.  
  
His hand moves down my arm, creating a trail of heat that ends in a chill when his fingers touch the bandage where Elizabeth took my blood for the pregnancy test. I'm not pregnant. I know I'm not. I'd know if I was. I'd feel it somehow.  
  
"I'm okay," I sit back and lick my lips to savor the taste of him there. He looks at me, his eyes focused on my face. He knows I'm lying. He always knows when I'm lying. I take a deep breath and take his hand in mine. "Elizabeth thinks I might be pregnant."  
  
"Are you?"  
  
I shrug. "No. I mean I don't think so. We'll know for sure soon."  
  
His eyes close, and the lines seem deeper in his face. Not for the first time, I wonder what he's thinking, but I don't ask.  
  
"John, there's something else I have to tell you." His eyes open. He looks like he might cry. "There is swelling around your spinal chord."  
  
"I'm paralyzed."  
  
I nod. "Elizabeth thinks it's temporary."  
  
He looks up at the ceiling. "And if it's not?"  
  
"I don't care. I love you. No matter what."  
  
"You ay that now…"  
  
"I mean it, John. For always."  
  
A single tears slips down both his cheeks. I reach up to brush them away. He flinches and turns his head from me. "I want you to leave."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere."  
  
"Get out of here!" He hisses through his teeth.   
  
I know he's scared and he doesn't know what to think, and he's trying to push me away to protect me as much as himself but I won't let him do it. I won't leave him. I won't…no matter how hard he tries to make me go. "I'm staying right here."  
  
* * * * * * * * *   
  
At the end of the last chapter I thought I was going to skip ahead a bit…not so. Anyway, I want thoughts and opinions on the pregnancy thing. That just sort of hit me out of nowhere, I didn't know Elizabeth was going to suggest it until I looked up and it was there on the screen…So, dear reader, use the review option to cast your vote on the issue…Reader input…please (here I am begging again…) Thanks for reading! 


	12. Chapter 12

The Hurting Time Has Come  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
A/N: First an apology. I've been away from the ER fics for too long...But I want to get back to it, so here I am…Please read and review…It means a lot…  
  
Chapter 12  
  
"Just give him some time," Gillian suggests, as if I was only pondering what flavor ice cream to buy.   
  
I could say 'How much time?' but I don't want to encourage that line of thought at all. So I just stare at her. "I'm not going to leave him. Not even for a minute."  
  
"Not even when he's asked you to?"  
  
"No. He doesn't mean it."  
  
"He thinks he does."  
  
I roll my eyes at her and glance at the door behind me as if I could see him through it. "He doesn't know what he thinks, or what to think right now. He's hurt and he's angry and he's confused and he's going to try to take it out on me because he knows he can hurt me and he wants to make me hurt as much as he's hurting. I can deal with that, okay? What I can not deal with is you telling me what to do. So back off, okay? Just back off."  
  
I didn't mean to snap at her, but I needed to say all that. There's more I could have said, and I bit my tongue so I wouldn't say too much. I don't want to make an enemy of her, but I'm not going to call her my new best friend either.  
  
"Maybe you should back off, Abby." Her words carry a venomous sting and the deliberate lilt of a sister trying to protect her brother.  
  
Anything I might have said is cut short by the intrusion of footsteps, a shuffling step I know to be Elizabeth. She must have the results of my blood test. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.   
  
I hear the door open and shut, and when I dare to open my eyes Elizabeth is there and Gillian is gone. Back at Carter's side, no doubt. To hell with trying to spare her feelings, I want to gauge her eyes out.  
  
Elizabeth says nothing, but hands me the envelope. My hands are shaking so badly I couldn't open it even if I wanted to. I don't want to. I don't want to know.  
  
A baby right now would complicate things so much. Maybe too much. But…but what if right now is my only chance? What if Carter pushes me away so many times that I finally give up? What if having a baby right now is the only way to hold on to him? A part of him growing in me, living in me…  
  
"Abby?" I hear my name, Elizabeth saying my name, but it's so far, she's so far away and I can't breathe and I can't see, everything is going black and…and…why is the floor rushing up to meet me?  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I'm sitting in a rocking chair. The child at my breast has had her fill. It's a peaceful feeling, kind of like floating or flying.   
  
I look up, and Carter is standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame with our son. He's fussing, rubbing his face and tiny fists against Carter's chest.  
  
Carter moves toward me and we trade babies. I watch him cradle our daughter in his arms, and feel a little jolt of heat and love for him when he kisses her still-bald head before he lays her in the crib.  
  
That's when I see the blood, dripping from his mouth. It splatters on the baby, turning her white gown crimson.   
  
"Carter!" I scream and surge out of the chair, lunging toward him.  
  
Hands on my shoulders hold me back. The babies are gone, Carter is gone. It's Elizabeth, and I'm in a trauma room. I can hear the steady beep of the monitors, I can feel the smooth cradle of the pulsse ox on my finger.  
  
I fall back against the bed, and there is no point trying to fight the tears.  
  
"How do you feel?" Elizabeth asks when I've settled down.  
  
That has to be the most asinine question in the whole world. "Fine."  
  
"I seriously doubt that."  
  
I shrug. "I have a headache."  
  
"I bet."  
  
"How long was I out?"  
  
"Long enough."  
  
Great answer. Thanks for the info. Obviously it was a while, because I'm in a trauma room in the ER.   
  
"What's the verdict?"  
  
"You're going to live."  
  
"And the babies?" I blurt out without even thinking. I never looked at the test results.   
  
"The heartbeat is strong."  
  
"Only one?"  
  
"Why do you ask that?"  
  
"I was dreaming. There were two. A boy and a girl."  
  
Elizabeth nods. I close my eyes. Twins. I'm pregnant with twins…  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Sorry I've been out of the loop for a while. I hope to push the chapters out with some regularity now…So please, stroke the fire with a review…And thanks so much for reading! Also, for the benefit of anyone who would IM me…I'm usually on CeruleanOctober, I've shut down the AbCaLuDaEr buddy list… 


	13. Chapter 13

The Hurting Time Has Come (13/?)  
  
An ER fan fic by Michelle  
  
He's sleeping when I go in the room. Gillian is there on the far side of the bed. She looks up at me and offers a small smile. I shrug. She must know I'm not going to tell her anything until I tell Carter.  
  
And he could go either way. There's no guarantee he'll be happy. If I had to guess, I'd say he's going to freak out on me. He won't be happy. He'll push me away again. I don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with that again. Not now.   
  
Not when I have to tell him he's going to be a father. My hands instinctively go to my stomach. Tears burn at my eyes. Damn it, I don't want to cry. I'm tired of crying. I feel like that's all I've done for days. My eye ache from it. My soul aches from it.  
  
Gillian has moved around the bed. She takes hold of my hands, grips them. "It's all right, Abby."  
  
I shake my head then force myself to look at her. How did I ever try to hate her? She's too sweet and kind, and so very much like her brother. I try to smile, but it only causes more tears.  
  
"Here. Sit down." She helps me into the chair. I want to tell her I don't need to be treated like a child, but I can't find the words. I just want to crawl under the covers, to wake up and realise this was all just a dream. A horrible, terrible, unspeakable dream.  
  
"Can I get you anything? Water, coffee, a sandwich?"  
  
I dry my cheeks with the backs of my hands. "I'm not hungry. Elizabeth made me eat dinner before I came back up here."   
  
"Good. But since you're here now I'm going to go grab something myself. Are you sure you don't want me to bring you back anything?"  
  
"No. I'm all right." And grateful she's leaving, but I'm not going to say that. She squeezes my hands again before letting go. She asks Matej if he would like anything, he replies that he would like to go with her and take some fresh air.   
  
Carter is looking at me when I turn back to him. His eyes close and he turns his face from me.  
  
Dear God, I can't do this. I can't take this. I can't handle this. It feels like a weight on my chest holding me down, crushing me. But it's not just me anymore. There are two precious lives inside me, depending on me.   
  
"I'm pregnant." The words fall out of my mouth. That's not how I meant to tell him. I wanted to do something special, like go out to dinner and have the waiter bring a rattle -or two- out on a platter before the meal.  
  
"Get out."   
  
"I know it's...I'm scared too."  
  
"I'm not scared." His voice is clipped and even. He's still not looking at me.   
  
"I'm not leaving, John. You can push me all you want. Say it a hundred times. I'm not going anywhere."  
  
"I don't want you here."  
  
"I don't care." I try, God I try, to sound strong and sure. Inside my heart is breaking, shattering into a million tiny pieces. I can't do this. I can't. I thought I could, but I can't.  
  
I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to sit here and sob like a frightened child, even if that's exactly how I feel.  
  
When I get myself under control again, he's staring at me. His eyes are swollen, dried tracks mark his cheeks. I want him to say something. Anything. Tell me he loves me. I'll love him forever. Tell me to get out again. I'll go. I'll go because I can't take it anymore.  
  
He gnaws on his bottom lip. I'm about to scream just for the noise it would make.  
  
"I'm..." his voice is low, weak, dripping with emotion raging out of control. "I'm sorry."  
  
Just when I thought I was done crying. Leave it to him to make me start all over again.  
  
* * * * *   
  
There is no greater feeling than laying in his arms. Or having him in mine.  
  
But I know it's a dream and I don't want to wake up. Don't make me wake up. I want to hold on. I want to stay in his arms a little longer. Just a little while.  
  
I'm laying beside him, my hand on his chest, my head next to his shoulder. I pull back slowly, carefully. He grimaces but tries to cover it with a smile as I move to the chair.  
  
"You're really pregnant?"  
  
I nod. Should I tell him now? What if it's too much? What if I tell him and he pushes me away again? But I have to tell him. He should know. "It's twins."  
  
His eyes widen, then close. "Twins." The word rolls off his tongue and disolves into a fresh round of tears.  
  
Just call us the crying couple.  
  
But at least it seems this time it's happy tears. When the initial shock passes, he looks at me, his eyes shifting from my face to my stomach. I keep my eyes on his face, my heart practically bursting with the love I feel for him.  
  
We've got a long, hard road ahead of us. I know that. I'm a nurse, a former med student. I know how serious his injuries are, I have an idea how difficult the recovery will be. I don't like it, I wish it could be different, but I'm in too deep to turn back now. I love him, I will love him always. I hope to God he will walk again, but even if he doesn't, we'll manage. We'll be okay.  
  
"I want to touch you." I know he means the babies. My stomach. I also know there's no point to telling him there's nothing to feel yet.  
  
He can't lift his arm off the bed without help. So I help him. I guide his hand to the flat of my belly.  
  
"My babies are in there."  
  
I nod and lean down to kiss him.  
  
* * * * *  
  
End chapter 13. I know it's short. But I'm already planning the next chapter. Hopefully I'll get it written and posted b the end of the week. In the meantime, I want to say thank you to all who have sent feedback and encouragement in response to my fics. I'm a fickle writer, I jump fandoms at the drop of the hat. But ER is one I always seem to find my way back to…So yeah. I'm planning to stick around for a while, and hopefully see some of these fics drawn to a close in the next few weeks and months…  
  
That said, please don't forget to use the review button. It's there for a reason. And I cherish all my reviews. 


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